If I Die: A Black Trans Request

🌈 Abstract

This document is a personal reflection on the author's wishes for how they want to be remembered and celebrated after their death. It expresses a desire to be remembered by only those who truly cared for and supported them in life, rather than by those who contributed to their oppression. The author also wishes to "haunt" and "terrorize" their oppressors as a ghost, seeking justice and accountability.

🙋 Q&A

[01] Wishes for Remembrance

1. What are the author's wishes for how they want to be remembered after their death?

• The author does not want to be memorialized or have their life summarized by others. They only want to be celebrated by the people who genuinely tried to save their life and support them.
• The author wants their Black family (mother, siblings, nieces/nephews) to be taken care of after their death.
• The author wants to "haunt" and "terrorize" their oppressors as a ghost, forcing them to reckon with the pain and death they have caused.

2. What music and media does the author want played/watched in their honor?

• The author wants the music of Le'Andria Johnson, especially the song "No Weapon", to be played as people mourn their death.
• The author wants the Nina Simone documentary "What Happened, Miss Simone?" to be watched, to reflect on how Black brilliant women are made "crazy" instead of being valued.
• The author wants Nina Simone's song "Here Comes the Sun" to become the "soundtrack for trans living".

3. What are the author's wishes for the handling of their physical remains?

• The author wants to be cremated, with their ashes sprinkled around the canyons of New Mexico so they can be close to nature.
• The author wants their Black mother to be able to see their body first, to bear witness to their life and death.

[02] Desires for the Afterlife

1. What does the author hope for in the afterlife?

• The author hopes to be "assigned someone" in the afterlife to hold them, massage them, and be a "tether" as they dream.
• The author hopes to be "assigned someone" who sees them as desirable, and with whom they can share their secrets and intimate experiences.
• The author hopes the afterlife will be a place where "accountability and joy exist in all the ways [they] can't imagine nor define."