My Family’s Slave

🌈 Abstract

The article is a personal narrative about the author's family's relationship with their long-time domestic helper, Lola, who was essentially a slave in their household. It explores the complex dynamics, guilt, and conflicting emotions the author and his family grappled with over the decades regarding their treatment of Lola. The story culminates with the author's journey to return Lola's ashes to her hometown in the Philippines after her death.

🙋 Q&A

[01] The Author's Relationship with Lola

1. What was the author's first memory of Lola? The author's first memory of Lola was her looking into his eyes when he was a baby.

2. How did the author's family treat Lola when they moved to the United States? When the family moved to the United States, Lola's situation worsened - she was not paid, was constantly scolded by the parents, and had no freedom or independence.

3. How did the author's perspective on Lola's situation change as he grew up? As the author grew up, he and his siblings came to see Lola's situation more clearly and realized that she was essentially a slave in their household. This caused the author to have doubts about the kind of people they were and where they came from.

4. How did the author's relationship with Lola evolve over time? When the author became an adult and Lola came to live with him, he tried to give her more freedom and independence, but she struggled to break out of the servitude mindset. Over time, the author came to deeply appreciate and revere Lola for her selflessness and devotion.

[02] Lola's Life Story

1. How did Lola come to be part of the author's family? Lola was given as a "gift" to the author's mother by the author's grandfather, a lieutenant, when the author's mother was 12 years old. Lola was expected to serve the family for life.

2. What happened to Lola's own family and home over the years? Lola's parents passed away while she was in the US, and her home village was destroyed by volcanic mudflows, burying much of her family's history.

3. What were the key events and turning points in Lola's life? Key events included being beaten by the author's grandfather for protecting the author's mother, coming to the US illegally and living in fear of deportation, and finally being able to return to the Philippines near the end of her life.

4. How did Lola's life experiences shape her personality and worldview? Lola's life of servitude and hardship made her extremely selfless, resilient, and devoted to taking care of the author's family. She struggled to envision a life outside of service and had a hard time accepting freedom and independence.

[03] The Author's Reckoning with Lola's Legacy

1. What were the author's feelings and regrets about Lola's treatment? The author felt guilt and shame over his family's treatment of Lola, and wished he had done more to improve her situation and free her from servitude.

2. How did the author's perspective on his mother change after her death? After his mother's death, the author gained a deeper understanding and empathy for the complexities of her relationship with Lola, seeing her as a flawed but multidimensional person.

3. What was the significance of the author returning Lola's ashes to her hometown? Returning Lola's ashes to her hometown was a way for the author to provide her with a proper farewell and closure, and to honor the place that was the true home she had longed for.

4. What did the author learn from Lola's life and legacy? The author came to deeply admire and revere Lola for her selflessness, resilience, and devotion, and saw her as a hallowed figure who lived a life of quiet heroism.