Romantic Consumerism is Killing Modern Relationships

🌈 Abstract

The article discusses how the internet has transformed the way people think about and find love, leading to a culture of "romantic consumerism" characterized by less committed relationships, a dating world that is more complex and ambiguous, and the tendency to treat relationships as disposable commodities.

🙋 Q&A

[01] How the Internet Changed Relationships

1. What are the key ways the internet has changed how people think about and find love?

• The default assumption in dating has shifted from sexual exclusivity to non-exclusivity unless explicitly agreed upon.
• There is a general move towards less committed relationships and a more complex, ambiguous dating world compared to 20-30 years ago.
• The rise of "ghosting" - the practice of ending a relationship by cutting off all contact - is seen as a logical extension of the values and worldview embedded in online dating technologies.
• The vast multiplication of dating options enabled by internet platforms has led to more anxiety and less satisfaction, as people feel the need to "try as many options as possible" to avoid making a mistake.

2. How does the author characterize the "romantic consumerism" that has developed?

• It is a fusion of the romantic ideology of love (e.g. effortless union with a soulmate) with modern consumerism's elevation of personal choice and satisfaction above all else.
• This leads to the view that if a relationship is less than perfect, one can simply "throw it out" and go "shopping" for a better one, treating love like a disposable commodity.
• However, this disillusionment often sets in, as the initial starry-eyed hope of love gives way to cynicism or compulsion.

[02] The Limitations of Treating Relationships as Commodities

1. What are the key problems with treating relationships like consumer goods?

• Human beings are not objects to be operated or consumed, but rather require genuine commitment and care in relationships.
• Reducing relationships to a matter of personal choice and satisfaction ignores the vulnerability and reciprocity inherent in human connection.
• The "paradox of choice" shows that an abundance of options can actually lead to more anxiety and less satisfaction, rather than helping people find the "perfect" partner.

2. How does the author propose we should view and approach intimate relationships?

• Love should be seen as a skill to be cultivated, not just a feeling, requiring patience, forgiveness and generosity to navigate the challenges of truly knowing and being known by another person.
• Intimate relationships involve a "delicate dance" of learning the emotional language of the other, blundering into each other's wounds, and repeatedly returning to a vulnerable place of openness.
• This is the "true romance and the perilous adventure that is intimacy", in contrast to the "bland and clichéd fiction of the romantic fairy tale."