Models: A Summary

🌈 Abstract

The article discusses the book "Models" by Mark Manson, which provides advice on finding romantic and sexual partners. It covers the concept of "alpha males", the two key rules (non-neediness and vulnerability), and the three fundamental aspects of dating success (lifestyle, flirting, and actually asking people out).

🙋 Q&A

[01] Alpha Males Are Everywhere

1. What is the author's definition of an "alpha male"? The author defines an "alpha male" as a straight man who could, if he chose to, go out on an ordinary Friday night and find a stranger they find attractive to have a one-night stand with about half the time. However, the author notes that alpha males are a diverse group and do not necessarily fit the stereotypical image.

2. How does the author describe the diversity of alpha males? The author provides examples of alpha males who are:

• Broke
• Financially supported by their girlfriends
• Fat
• Bald
• Short
• Ugly
• Have small penises
• Programmers
• Love geeky hobbies like D&D, Star Trek, and World of Warcraft
• Feminine
• Sexually submissive
• Wear dresses
• Cry at Pixar movies

3. Why does the author say the "ability to get casual sex" is a less useful metric for straight women and queer people? The author suggests that the same principle of diverse attractiveness likely applies to straight women and queer people, as the ones with the highest sexual success do not necessarily fit the stereotypical image of "really hot".

[02] Summary

1. What are the two key rules the author discusses? The two key rules are:

1. Neediness vs. non-neediness
2. Polarization - if a person turns you down, they are doing you a favor

2. What are the three fundamental aspects of dating success? The three fundamentals are:

1. Lifestyle
2. Flirting
3. Actually asking people out

3. How does the author suggest approaching the three fundamentals? The author suggests:

• Work on vulnerability and non-neediness first
• Pick one or two pieces of advice from your weakest fundamental to focus on
• You don't have to be perfect, just focus on improving your weakest areas

[03] The Two Rules

1. How does the author define neediness vs. non-neediness? Neediness is when you care more about other people's perceptions of you than your own self-perception. Non-neediness is when you care more about your own self-perception than others' perceptions.

2. How does the author say non-neediness relates to being a good person? The author states that non-neediness doesn't mean being a dick. You can still be kind, complimentary, and altruistic, as long as it's motivated by your own values and desires rather than a need for approval.

3. What is the concept of "polarization" that the author discusses? Polarization means that if a person rejects you, it's actually doing you a favor, because it means you've avoided dating someone incompatible with you.

[04] Fundamental One: Lifestyle

1. What is the "like attracts like" rule the author discusses for lifestyle? The basic rule is that you attract what you are. Your lifestyle and interests will determine the type of people you attract.

2. What are some common lifestyle-related problems the author identifies?

• Looking for partners in the wrong places
• Pretending to be someone you're not
• Attracting the wrong type of people consistently

3. What are some specific lifestyle-related tips the author provides?

• Focus on physical and psychological attractiveness, but test advice against the "like attracts like" rule
• For masculine presentation, the author provides some general advice
• Becoming an interesting person by trying new things can help

[05] Fundamental Two: Flirting

1. How does the author describe the role of subtext in successful flirting? Flirting is about establishing the right subtext, such as creating sexual tension and uncertainty about the relationship. The subtext is more important than the literal words used.

2. What are some of the author's tips for how to flirt effectively?

• Be non-needy and vulnerable
• Create sexual tension through bold statements and playing hard-to-get
• Pay attention to signals of interest from the other person

[06] Fundamental Three: ACTUALLY ASKING PEOPLE OUT

1. What are some common rationalizations the author identifies for why people are anxious about asking people out?

• Fear of rejection
• Fear of sexually harassing someone

2. How does the author suggest overcoming this anxiety? The author recommends a process of gradual exposure, starting with small steps like asking for the time, and gradually building up to asking someone out.

3. What advice does the author give to avoid being creepy when asking someone out?

• Don't do anything you know will scare someone
• Understand that some awkwardness and miscommunications are normal
• Focus on being respectful and reading social cues