The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

🌈 Abstract

The article discusses the paradox of choice in the context of online dating, where an abundance of options can lead to dissatisfaction and difficulty in making decisions. It explores the research and perspectives on how limiting choices can yield better outcomes in finding a romantic partner.

🙋 Q&A

[01] The Paradox of Choice

1. What is the paradox of choice, and how does it apply to online dating?

• The paradox of choice refers to the idea that having too many options can lead to decision paralysis and unhappiness, rather than greater satisfaction.
• In online dating, the abundance of potential matches can overwhelm people, making it difficult to evaluate each option and leading to dissatisfaction with the chosen partner.

2. What are the benefits of limiting choices in online dating?

• Limiting choices can help people focus on the most important qualities in a partner, rather than getting distracted by superficial factors.
• Curated matching services like eHarmony can save users from their own worst romantic impulses by considering a range of factors beyond just appearance.
• Smaller pools of potential matches mean users are more likely to be seriously considered by others, and users can devote more mental resources to evaluating each prospect.

3. How do the views of Barry Schwartz and Benjamin Scheibehenne differ on the effects of abundant choice?

• Schwartz argues that too much choice is overwhelming and leads to dissatisfaction, while Scheibehenne's research suggests people are generally able to cope with large numbers of options.
• Scheibehenne believes people use mental shortcuts to narrow down their choices, whereas Schwartz contends that the anticipation of making a wrong choice cancels out the pleasure of having more options.

[02] The Brain's Response to Choice

1. How does the brain's architecture contribute to the negative effects of abundant choice?

• The prefrontal cortex, which is key for decision-making, can become overwhelmed when faced with too much information, leading to decreased activity and decision paralysis.
• Navigating difficult choices can also trigger anxiety responses in the brain, which over time can lead to feelings of despair and depletion of the dopamine system.

2. What are the cognitive limitations that make humans ill-equipped to process the "mate-choice bonanza" of modern online dating?

• Humans evolved to choose mates from small hunter-gatherer groups, so the vast number of options available through online dating exceeds our natural cognitive capacity.
• When faced with too many similar options, people struggle to differentiate between them and make satisfactory choices.

[03] Strategies for Navigating Choice in Online Dating

1. How can curated matching services like eHarmony help users make better choices?

• Curated services limit the number of potential matches, reducing competition and forcing users to evaluate each option more carefully.
• The commitment required to participate in these services, such as completing lengthy questionnaires, signals the seriousness of potential partners.
• Algorithms that consider a range of factors can help users avoid making choices based solely on superficial preferences.

2. What is the ideal number of choices for online dating, according to the experts?

• Researcher Barry Schwartz suggests the optimal number of choices is between 8 and 12, based on experiments with consumer products.
• Anthropologist Helen Fisher recommends meeting 9 people who are "vaguely in the ballpark", then choosing one to get to know better before moving on to another 9.

3. How does limiting choice ultimately lead to more meaningful and lasting connections?

• Focusing on a manageable number of options allows users to evaluate each prospect more deeply and find someone who truly feels like a good fit.
• Persevering with a smaller pool of options, rather than constantly seeking new options, is more likely to result in lasting love.