How to Open Communication

🌈 Abstract

The article discusses the importance of open communication and understanding different perspectives, particularly in the context of the author's relationship with her 15-year-old daughter and in her work environment.

🙋 Q&A

[01] Communication and Openness

1. What are the key insights the author shares about communication and openness?

• The author started writing a column with her 15-year-old daughter, which has been an illuminating journey for them to discuss different perspectives on various topics
• The author has learned to restrain herself from asserting her own point of view and instead use prompts to get her daughter to open up and share her perspective
• The author has also applied these techniques at work, where she learned not to jump in to solve problems right away, but instead to ask open-ended questions to understand the other person's perspective
• The author emphasizes the importance of seeking to understand, not just to solve, and of getting to specifics rather than relying on generalizations

2. What are some of the prompts the author uses to encourage open communication?

• "Tell me more"
• Asking for detailed examples when someone makes a broad generalization
• Asking "What led you to this decision?" to understand the reasons behind someone's thinking

3. How did the author apply these communication techniques in her personal life with her husband?

• The author realized she needed to change her approach when her husband was constantly complaining about work, by:
  • Limiting the work-related conversations to their nightly walks
  • Asking him directly "What does support look like to you?" to understand how she could best support him

[02] Seeking to Understand

1. What is the author's key insight about seeking to understand rather than just solving problems?

• The author learned that so much of relationships is about connection, not just discussion or problem-solving
• She realized that she often jumped to solutions before fully understanding the person and their perspective
• The author emphasizes that conversations become more productive when you seek to understand, not just to solve

2. How does the author illustrate the importance of understanding different life experiences and perspectives?

• The author gives the example of a disagreement with a colleague, where they were able to make progress by discussing the reasons behind their different perspectives, which stemmed from their varied life and work experiences
• The author also shares a story about a friend from her hometown who had a very different experience and perception of the level of bigotry there, highlighting how life experience can lead to different realities